This post is a summation of recent events and a close on the situation.
Zombies, or as they are called in more civilized circles, the undead, are a menace. The swarm an area, eat some brains and then shuffle on without so much as a by your leave. All kidding aside recent archaeological evidence found in Egypt has brought to the forefront the idea that Zombies may not, in fact, be an entirely modern plague. In fact, there is a great amount of evidence throughout history that they recurring problem and the time between the outbreaks seem to be shrinking. I may even be too late.
With this in mind, I crafted and put together the Official CaffiNation Zombie Plan, Magnus Mortuus Opus. A very Nice PDF suitable for printing and hanging. This post is to be considered a HTML version of the CaffiNation Official Zombie Plan. It contains Information gathered from listeners and condensed into a plan for your safety
You’ll Need Food, Shelter and Weapons to Survive.
Prepare beforehand, locate shelter with easy access to supplies, building materials & weapons. Plan multiple routes. If you band together , move swiftly and work as a team you will be fine. However, you do, need to be prepared to eliminate your allies if they become infected!
Do
- Arm Thyself: Anything can be a weapon, sharpen your skills and you blade
- Sever or Smash: A Zombie with no head is truly dead
- MultiTool: You have a 2 hands your tool choice counts
- Level 1 Weapons: Crow Bar, Shovel, Tire Iron, Bat
- Level 2 Weapons: Machete, Sword, Axe
Don’t
- Noise: Attracts Zombies, Which is bad
- Guns: Run out of Ammo & make a racket
- Cars: After your initial escape! Ditch, then bike only if threatened
- Power Tools: They need power and cause a ruckus
Do
- Feed Thyself: Food & Potable Water Priority #1
- Power Won’t Last Forever: Freezers Thaw, Food Spoils, Think Cans, Gardening, Husbandry
- Long Haul:Plan to Collect Rain, Compost and Ration
- Gear Up: You’ll need Armor, Eye wear & courage
- Maintenance:Be prep ared to sharpen & fix your tools
Don’t
- Crowds are Bad:Avoid cities & Population Centers
- Fortify, Don’t isolate: Limit the number of exits, but keep your options open for a quick escape
- Avoid Bodies of Water: Provide sneak approach & limit movement
- There is no outside: Stock up, & plan to not come back for more
- Don’t Rely on Consumables: If it needs Bullets, Power Or Gas, Its trouble
Hopefully, this quick glance guide will help whoever reads it. I implore you to download and print the PDF, download the JPG version even.
I’m printing out my Zombie Plan as I write this, you can never be too careful :)
Or if you live on the coast, you could use this :P
Grab a boat with a sail and oars. Don’t forget some emergency supplies and a fishing rod (synthetic bait is the way to go). Don’t use the anchor as zombies would actually climb up it. Measuring stick is good too, to make sure you’re not in zombie-infested shallow water. Evaporate sea water for drinking water (collecting the water vapor that evaporates-condensation) but keep an emergency supply of water with you no matter what. Get a knife too. Cleaver used for ‘Emergency Situations.’ Gun is last resort as you need (Extra Emphasis on NEED) to conserve your ammunition, it might be years until you realistically sum up enough courage to head into mainland.
When fishing:
-You’ve caught something…
i) If it’s rapid tugging on the line, it’s a fish.
ii) If it’s stiff and pulling on the line, it’s a zombie. Cut the line.
If you think you’re funny, grab a volley ball, paint a face on it, and name it ‘Ronaldo.’
I’m sure i’ve read this from somewhere else so my regards (insert reference here…) to the original writer of the guide.